Thursday, September 08, 2011

Why I hate the Bachelor

The reality hit shows, "The Bachelor and The Bachelorette" are bringing money in to NBC however I am convinced it has corrupted dating as we know it.

Mr. Blue Eyes and I went out to lunch last week and he explained that dating in the real world is exactly like it is on the show, without the glamorous over priced dates and exotic trips around the world. Also, I've yet to see one woman on a date with six guys at a time. 

People now have multiple partners sexually and morals have changed.

People also keep ex's around, in case they have no other person to go to on a lonely Friday night.

I missed the opportunity last June to audition to be a contestant on the Bachelorette when ABC came to SUITE at the EpiCentre in Charlotte because, I being so naive and gullible, feared I'd  ruin things with Mr. Blue Eyes. Sure we were a brand new couple and we were not exclusive and we had not crossed over to a committed relationship but I wanted to focus on us,. I didn't want any distractions nor did I want my auditioning to make him think that I was eventually going to leave. I thought to far ahead and that may have been a mistake. I could have auditioned and if they accepted me, I would've had the chance to say no had Mr. Blue Eyes and I committed but you see we didn't commit, we had an amazing summer affair that unfortunately ended (his decision) but now that it's over,  I'm left wondering.

What could've happened had I auditioned? I could have made it but I probably wouldn't have and would still be alone. But they say things do not happen for a reason, so I probably didn't really audition because I didn't want to put myself out there on a dating reality show. I didn't want the caddy competition with the girls and I didn't want the world to see how I would react had I been one the of the final 5, 4, 3 or 2 and was left with a broken heart. 

It was a missed opportunity and I might have skipped out for all the wrong reasons but in the end I am happy I'm not on the show because I hate the show. I still feel like it's a destructive force in dating.

I know, everyone wants to be in a position where 25 hopefuls are fighting for your attention and you can do what ever you want and because your on the show, no one can really get mad because the show is about dating and screwing around until you find the right one. Doesn't sound like fun to me, but, apparently, it's fun to everyone else.

Tuesday, September 06, 2011

What's your dating style?

The dating game has changed an awful lot these past few years. Today, I honestly tell people who have been married or in a serious committed relationship for more than five years that their advice is outdated. It's not their fault they don't understand dating, at this point, no one does because it's a game.

It seems as though the dating game has gone from being moral and ethical to being open and uninhibited. More and more we see people hop around from one partner to another and people do date more than one person at a time.

I do like to use Sex and the City as an example when it comes to writing about dating but in this blog, I'd like to bring up another movie that I love so much. Often times, girls and I compare ourselves to certain characters so today I'd like to ask, who do you compare to in the movie, "He's just not that into you?"

Gigi: (Ginnifer Goodwin, the narrator of the film) She's naive and hopeless and anxious to fall in love. She's willing to date anyone and every time she meets a man, she hopes he's the one. After a fun date with Conor, he never called her back. So now, Gigi is determined to find the right guy and she makes an absolute fool of herself doing so. She seeks advice from Conor's friend, the bartender at the local bar, Alex ( Justin Long).

Alex: the typical cool bartender, cute and everyone's friend. He loves girls, but, he's in a position where he can meet a lot of girls. He does, after all, own the bar he works in. He's always one to party and is certainly the one that gives Gigi all the guy advice she asks for.

Janine: (Jennifer Connelly). She's an uptight married woman to Ben (Bradley Cooper). She's prim, proper and controlling and manipulating and seems to be more worried about her husband lying about his bad smoking habit than she is about the fact that he cheated on her. In the end, she does ditch her husband.

Ben felt obliged to marry Janine yet he wasn't very happy, so he cheated on her with Anna. He's insecure and to be honest, an outright liar, hence, the reason why he finds his self alone in the end.

Anna: (Scarlette Johanson). She's a pretty blond girl, a yoga instructor and not really ready to commit so she dates guys that are unavailable, including married men like Ben; and ignores the one guy that really likes her, Conor (Kevin Connelly). She does give Conor a chance but she feels suffocated and in the end, she stays single.

Conor: is in love with Anna and can't read her mixed messages. He's a Real Estate Agent and will try anything to sell houses, apartments, including getting in on the 411 on homosexuals, because they will buy nice homes. No, he's not thinking of jumping the fence, he just realizes that being hetrosexual is confusing. Women send such mixed messages. He does over the phone and internet business with Anna's friend, Mary. Yet, he's never met her.

Mary: (Drew Barrymore) is an optimistic, creative, artsy kind of girl and works in advertising for a local newspaper.She spends a lot of time on the internet (ok, Myspace) and she's open to dating, especially online. Yet her prospects seem to be nothing more than a good internet conversation. She has the best of the best line in the movie ... so I thought I'd add the video.

Beth: (Jennifer Ainston) She's dating Neil (Ben Affleck) and has been for 7 years. She wants to get married but he doesn't, so she leaves him. Her sister is getting married and she has to be strong without Neil during the wedding. She meets single guys, but, they are such geeks. Her dad then has a heart attack, so she naturally takes care of him. Her sisters and their husbands are around to help, but all they do is watch football, drink beer and leave a mess. Suddenly, Beth realizes that Ben is more of a husband then real, actual live husbands are. Why? Because he came around to help her around her dads house, when no one else was sober enough to do their share AND she never asked him to come over, he just showed up.

Neil: is absolutely in love with Beth. However, he doesn't believe in marriage. He's convinced the only people who do get married are insecure and do it to validate their relationship, want an expensive over the top meaningless wedding and want to have the 'husband/wife' title. He's happy with Beth and is willing to be with her forever but, without the marriage.

In the end, Mary and Conor meet and start to date. As far Gigi is concerned, does she meet the love of her life? Maybe, you'll just have to watch it if you haven't yet and  what happens to Neil and Beth?  Do they split for good? Do they go back to dating? Or do they get married? Watch the movie, trust me, you'll relate and you'll laugh.

If you really want to know, I was told by a friend I was most like Mary. I'm flattered because I see the connection. I believe I'm a combination of Mary and Anna. I've never dated a married man...but I still have a tendency to date emotionally unavailable men.

 Dating can be fun but it's also a game. People sleep around with more people and some have two partners or more at about the same time. Dating without the commitment is far too common. I'm not so sure I have it in me to play the game....but it's a new season and I'm ready for a new life.

So tell me, what's your dating style?

Friday, September 02, 2011

Falling in love is like ....flying

You may cross your eyes and think I'm quirky for comparing falling in love with flying but hear me out for a moment.

I do fear heights and I do fear the unknown, I also fear the things I can't control so it should be no surprise that I fear flying.

I'm not so scared to fly that I won't hop on an airplane however.

Some people fear falling in love and while out to lunch with a guy (my very own real life Mr. Big from Sex and the City, only we're not in New York City, we're in NASCAR) we talked about relationships and I had to think deep about how I really feel. About relationships, I've often been compared to Miranda but I also have a Carrie perspective about dating, I simply question it often.

After a heartache, we close ourselves up and don't let anyone in but with time, before we know it, we're back in the dating pool again. Some people, like Samantha from Sex and the City jump back in the pool within the hour of losing a boyfriend while others take there time.

I take my time. I've written it before, I don't date for the sake of dating. Just like, I don't fly for the sake of flying.
If I date someone, it's because I really like him; if I fly somewhere, it's because I'm going far away.

So how do the two compare?

When your plane takes off, the rush of lift off makes me feel like my entire body is being sucked back in the seat. My stomach gets tight, my heart beats fast, my hands get sweaty, my breathing is a bit heavier. Once we're at altitude, I'm fine and I start to relax.
Just like dating, you meet someone you're attracted to and you feel a swarm of feelings comparable to how I feel when my plane takes off.
Some flights are turbulent; some relationships are too; some flights are smooth flying, so are some relationships.In the plane, you can't simply get off until you reach your destination but in a relationship, you can walk out once the turbulence becomes too much to bare.
Have you ever been on a flight and thought it was smooth but the person sitting next to you thought it was a little to turbulent (or vise versa)? It happens in relationships too. Sometimes we enjoy ourselves and start to believe in the relationship but the other person doesn't see it the same way. That's a pretty painful truth to face but it happens often between couples.
Relationships crash and afterwards we sometimes we feel dead inside. We go through life feeling like a zombie and we think horrible thoughts. Recovering from a broken heart takes time and it's important to try to reach out to friends. It's common to feel like we could never date or fall in love again soon after a heartache but that's when you need to reach deep down inside and do something special for yourself. Take yourself out on a date to a fancy restaurant, get a manicure, pedicure or a message, do something to make you feel good and one day, when we least expect it, we wake up feeling alive and we start to meet people again.
Plane crashes are permanent, you're dead but relationship crashes, they are temporary.
We (meaning most frequent fliers) have had turbulent flights from time to time, but, that doesn't stop you from flying again, or does it?