Monday, March 28, 2011

He didn't want the REAL her - so he lost her

He lost her because he never had her. He never even loved her; he loved her beauty and photogenic pictures. He loved the idea of her.
He wanted her but what he wanted was someone she was not.
She was a beautiful woman who spent her life living like an athlete and living a healthy lifestyle; she's fit, toned and trim. To her, exercise and good nutrition isn’t a fad, it’s a way of life. She knows who she is and wants to hold on to her best qualities.
Unfortunately, he didn’t. He wanted her to change; he wanted to control her. He wanted her to lower her standards and stop being so successful or at least he wanted her to stop trying.
What this couple never realized was how abusive he really was. He lived a self destructive life and not caring about his self nor did care to understand where she came from.
They met late one night a few years before and after a few dates, they knew then they were wrong for each other. They met again a few years later and although knowing they had nothing in common, they decided to give a relationship another chance; they were both at a cross roads in their life. Both had lost their jobs so they wanted to help each other get back to work.
It wasn’t until they started to live together that they realized how wrong the relationship was.
Everyone asked her, “why were you together?”
The only answer is, “because the first two months were fun.”
She’s a well educated woman who was taught to work hard; she spent her life working in a white collar world where she trained and studied for what she had. She believes in campaigning for a President; she believes in voting; she believes in donating her money and volunteering her time to charities. She allows herself to be inspired by people who are more successful then she is and she hopes to be inspiration to others. She’s ambitious and self disciplined, self motivated and independent.
All the qualities he hates. He didn’t have any of those qualities. He is lazy and lacks motivation; he talks the talk but never walks the walk. He quits easy; he dropped out of high school and never did anything to get ahead in life. He got a blue collar job and lived under the radar and expected everyone else to live the same way.
He never liked to visit her friends and family. He was unhappy with their success and riches because he was piss poor morally.
To her, it seemed as though he never moved on from a high schoolers life. He still smoked cigarettes and marijuana; he drank a lot of alcohol and he didn’t see anything wrong with his poor behavior.
Their differences were so grave it became toxic.
One day he looked at her and told her “I hate how motivated and disciplined you are. It’s extreme.”
Sure, she does have a ‘go hard or go home’ attitude but what he fails to understand is that what gets you ahead in life. His, live under the radar attitude never got him anywhere.
She felt her split in half when she heard those words. She knew her drive to be successful drove him crazy and had been told by more than one person he was insecure and jealous. She knew this. She cried to her friends and family and didn’t want to be with him but everyone wanted her to give it a chance. All relationships take time to adjust to, they told her. It takes time to get used to each other’s differences but this was way beyond that.
He wanted her to give it all up and didn’t want to learn from her. Apparently, as far as he is concerned, men aren’t supposed to learn from their girlfriends (or wives).
In today’s world, that is bull shit.
Men, if you do not want a woman that makes more money then you; or if you don’t want a woman who is ‘more’ than you…you have to educate yourself and make yourself more appealing. Be smarter; be stronger; be more influential; be more driven and motivating.
Never bring a woman down and never try to break her spirit.
He spent that winter telling her she was fat and needed to lose weight, but, she was smart enough to know the only fat she needed to lose was him and finally, she left him. After they split, she tried to be nice and tried to see if they could work it out but he didn't quit, he wanted her to break and he wanted her to need him but he wasn't what she needed. He refused to find the strength to be a real man who knew how to be supportive and considerate.
I worry about her; she’s still torn and damaged from that relationship. She’s building herself up again and found some success but she isn’t there yet. It’s a slow healing process but soon enough, she’ll be better and she’ll be stronger and wiser then she was before she knew him.
Abusive relationships damage women deeper then you’d think but thank the light, women have a drive inside their soul that does not allow them to quit, even when they want to.

Sunday, March 13, 2011

Succeeding at your New Year resolutions and Lent sacrifices

My New Year Resolution and Lent Sacrifices

How is everyone doing with their New Year’s Resolutions? I have to brag, I’m still going strong and the real reason is because of how I set my goals. Here is what they were and how I approached them.
1. To commit myself more to writing
I set a goal to write every day. I set my alarm clock to 4:30 in the morning; I get up and make myself a cup of coffee and sit still to write for one uninterrupted hour. I knew doing this every day would be hard and a little unrealistic so I decided that I had to write at least 4 days a week. That plan has worked out. I learned to pull from my strengths instead of stressing from my weaknesses.
2. To work out at the gym and train like I once used to
To be realistic, training like I did when I competed is near impossible. I’m not planning to compete this year so there’s no reason for me to hit the weights hard six days a week; or for that matter, twice a day. I decided to train hard but I set my schedule to train no less than three (3) days a week. I also decided that if I do not go to the gym, I would run outside. When summer comes along, I’ll have to readjust my schedule and try a new routine.
So the real reason why I’m still on top of my New Year’s Resolution is because I focus on what I can do instead of what I can’t do. Sure, I can’t wake up every single day at 4:30 to write but at least I do it five days a week and heck, I also find time to write at night. On weekends, I write when I can. Same for my workouts, I tell myself that I need to work out at least every other day, that way if I do miss a work out , I go the next day, it works for me.

Lent Sacrifices
To clarify some confusion about my Lent Sacrifice, I’d like to say that my goal isn’t too complicated. I decided to stop making small personal expenses that are unnecessary. The real reason why I did this is to save my money so I can travel for NASCAR events that are relatively close to my place such as Bristol Motor Speedway, Martinsville, New Hampshire and possibly Telladega. Okay, so NH isn’t close to Charlotte, but, it’s my childhood home track and I want to go there. Telladega is six hours south and is the track I hope to travel to sometime in the near future. So here are the sacrifices I need to focus on the most.
1. Coffee: I drink coffee every single day. By the time I leave for work, I’ve already had 2 cups, so by the time I do get to work, there is no reason for me to stop in to Starbucks or Port City Java or Panera for anything. I am in control and I have no excuses to show up for work without having had a cup of java or a good breakfast. So, no need to spend my money at a coffee shop UNLESS I’m buying a pound of coffee or a bucket of 12 bagels.
2. Drinks: Aside coffee, I’ve decided that there is no reason for me to go out and spend my money on drinks like a single bottle of water or to buy a protein shake at the gym. There’s also no reason for me to spend my money on a single glass of wine or beer. If I want a few of these drinks, I’ll buy a bottle of wine or a 6 pack of beer and invite a few friends over.
3. Other small expenses such as a dollar here, a dollar there. None of that. I’ve never been one to rely on the vending machine nor do I spend at the check-out . If I’m desprete for water or a snack, I’ll buy enough to bring home and have for the next few days, instead of 1.
These goals are not hard to achieve. What’s hard is the negative attitudes people have about setting their own goals. If you want something in life, go get it.
Making these New Year’s Resolutions and keeping them is your responsibility and you can make them last; stop following the ones that can’t and stop saying you can’t. You create your own success as much as you create your own failures.
Making them work is something that you need to do by paying attention what works and what doesn’t. If your resolution was to work out every day at the gym and you never led an active lifestyle in the gym, maybe your resolution is unrealistic and you should consider switching it up to, ‘going to the gym as much as possible until I find my niche and drive, until I figure out what motivation techniques work for me and how I can make it work so that next year, I can say I’ll work out five days a week.’
See how easy it really can be? It’s up to you.

Sunday, March 06, 2011

The truth about feminism

Lately, I’ve been hearing a lot of talk about woman’s rights and the feminist movement because of planned parenthood and other social issues and I’ve been storing away all that I’ve been hearing in the back of my mind. Nothing gets under my skin more than watching young girls living like feminist and they turn around to say they are not feminists. Ladies, do you know what a real feminist is? Sometime in my twenties, I didn't understand it's true meaning but I learned quickly that I was feminist.
For those of you who think it’s about bra burning and the right to stop shaving; or if it is about being a lesbian and protesting against Eminen and Britney Spears; if it’s about not getting married and not having babies, think again.
The feminist movement was started so that women had the right to live her life as she chooses. To wear make-up, to wear heels; to wear jeans or to wear hoodies and a pair if mans work boots - what ever you choose, it's your choice and not another persons.
If you have a job; a college degree or not; if you own your own car and bought it without a man's help; if you buy your own clothes; if you decide when to hang out with your friends and what you want to do on the weekends; if you chose to be a mom or not - you are feminist. Accept it.

If you are locked up in a closet and do nothing for yourself or your family - you are not feminist.

If you read Stephanie Meyers books Twilight and watched the movie, you are feminist. Why? Because if it wasn't for the feminist movement, Ms. Meyer wouldn't have had the right to sell the book and become as famous as she did.

If you vote, you are feminist.

If you watch Jersey Shore, you're feminist. Why? If it wasn't for the feminist movement, Snookie and JWOW wouldn't be doing what they are doing. As a matter of fact, a lot of reality shows on MTV have helped the feminist movement along like The Hills and Lauren Conrad.

If you are married and you have a job, you are feminist.

I really wish young women would understand what it really means to be feminist and I wish men would not be so threatened by it.

To educate a man is to educate a man; but to educate a woman is to educate a family.
Women bring their talents, smarts and livelihood to the forefront and the reason why we are who we are is because of a woman's influence.

Ladies, if we lived like our grandmothers did, society would have a better appreciation for the rights women have today. We think living lives like families did in the 1950s, live like they did in Leave it to Beaver is easier but trust me, it is not. Did you know that back in the day, before the 50s that women did not have a right to initiate sex with their own husbands and if her husband wanted to have sex when she clearly did not, she had to do it and wasn't allowed to say no? That saying no was disobeying and dishonoring her husband? All jokes aside, that's pretty pathetic and I'm glad that men today have a hell of a whole lot more respect for women; they appreciate their wives and girlfriends more and allow them to be more domineering in the bedroom - that's the way it should be. Both engaged and involved, not just one sided. I can't imagine today's women not being able to express their own sexual needs and desires with their own boyfriends and husbands; heck today's women are more open about casual and random sex than I was when I was 24.

Something happened yesterday that deserves a mention.
Danica Patrick, driver of the #7 Go Daddy car and driver for JR Motorsports finished 4th place in the Nationwide Series race in Las Vegas, NV. She didn’t win 4th out of luck. She started in the back, fell two laps behind and managed to catch up. She moved forward at full speed, passing drivers one by one until she made it in the top five. Had there been a few more laps to go, she may have actually won.
She is the first woman in NASCAR to make it into the top five.
The year is 2011 people.
I know right now I'm most focused on NASCAR. JR Motorsports is co-owned, co-managed by Dale Earnhardt's sister Kelley Earnhardt and there is no denying she is the backbone of his success.
Lots of people may think of Dale Jr. as a playboy but who care's? I like that he loves women and what he does for us. He's bringing women to his company to not only have jobs but to do what they do best; even bikini contests at his bar. He has always been the one to introduce NASCAR to new places, to MTV, to Rolling Stone and he brought NASCAR to places no one else has, it's no wonder his company is the first to have a winning female driver. Danica Patrick may very well be the first women in NASCAR to win a Championship and I hope she does it while driving for JR Motorsports; they are the team that deserves that win.

I could go on and on about this topic; there are many other places women succeed in beside auto-racing: Politics, Religion, bodybuilding, football, baseball, science and engineering.
We are a better society because of the feminist movement.

In conclusion, if the day does come that I do end up married with children running around and I do cook for my husband, at least I'll do it while holding a meaningful, intellectual conversation with him. My future children and family will benefit from the experiences and education I have given to myself as I lived the life of a single woman as long as I did.