As a kid, I wanted to be a singer. As I got older,
I realized I didn't have the voice, nor did I have the patience to learn how to
play music. It was also hard to learn without a guitar, or a piano in the house.
I tried playing the trumpet in fourth grade, that didn't work out right.
My lack of talent doesn't stop me from loving all
sounds of music though. I've loved a plethora of bands ranging from every
genre, and generation. Music brings peace to my life and motivates me to feel
better, and keeps me moving when I'm running or exercising. It also heals pain.
Music has a way to soothe the heart, and calm my fears. It has its way over me,
to relax me when I need to relax as much as I need energy. I could write a lot
about music, but I won’t do that now.
On Sunday, I woke up early and turned Pandora on
to one of my many favorite stations, 'Sugarland' singing a favorite song,
'Settlin.' I sang along with her, out-of sync and not caring
because these lyrics ring true to my personal life:
"I ain't settlin' for just getting by
I've had enough so so, for the rest of my life
Tired of shooting too low, so raise the bar high
Just enough ain't enough this time I
ain't settlin' for anything less than everything, yeah"
Singers write songs about life, and often they know it'll a different meaning
to each fan that hears the song, but this one is true to single ladies who are
happy single, and refuse to just date any guy that tells her she's beautiful,
or because he's just 'nice' to us. The song ended and the next one played. It
was from the Dixie Chicks. The song, "Not ready to make nice," is old
but still means a lot to me for a few reasons. I decided to tweet my thoughts,
I wrote (and edited for this blog, since I have room for more than 140
characters).
"Not ready to make nice" by Dixie Chicks has a very strong meaning to
me! Gives me goose bumps when I hear it! Some things are never forgotten!"
Unfortunately,
that is true. Forgiveness is important, sounds nice. But forgetting, I don't
think I can. As she sang the song, I sang along with her:
"I'm not
ready to make nice! I'm not ready to back down!
I'm still mad as hell and I
don't have time to go round and round and round
It's too late to make it right. I probably wouldn't if I could!
‘Cause I'm mad
as hell, can't bring myself to do what it is you think I should!"
There's a lot of truth to that because there are many people in my life who
have hurt me, deceived me, and betrayed my trust. I've been lied to; I've been
mocked, and I've been rejected.
I'm sure you have too.
It doesn't bother me that I’m single, and never experienced marriage but
sometimes, but it is hard and expensive to live alone and have the burden of bills all on my shoulders. Single isn't as easy as married couples assume it is. I'm a freelancer, struggling with
permanent employment, and more importantly, struggling with trusting anyone with
my future. Will things ever change for the better? When? How? All important
questions with no easy answers.
At 9:30, it was
time for church to start. Once again, I stayed home to watch online. I already
knew what the sermon would be about, I watched Saturday's service on the
internet. I knew what songs they'd sing, and that prompted me to listen again.
My sister once made a correct observation that my church isn't normal.
"It's like a rock concert," she said.
She is right. It does seem like you're at a rock concert when you're there. But
that doesn't matter, there is no right or wrong way to worship Jesus when it
comes to music. I often wondered, if my Catholic school would've worshiped like
we do at Elevation, would I have taken my church more seriously? Probably not.
I may not have been as bad as pop culture portrayed in some movies, but I was a
rebellious Catholic school girl in uniform and loved rock'n roll.
Pastor Steven Furtick loved
rock music when he grew up too, and so I presume that is one reason why the
band plays on stage like they would in a rock show. The songs are all about
Jesus, make no mistake. My church believes in the power of song, and the power
to raise your voice and sing loud, and to allow yourself to feel the presence of
God through music.
Tell you what, it
works. It sometimes even brings tears to your eyes.
Today, I was caught off guard. Even though it hit me later on -like in the
middle of the night when I should have been asleep - I realized the message in
the songs were directed to me (so it seems). I listen to Elevation Worship on
Pandora, as well as few worship bands like ‘Hillsong,’ and ‘Jesus Coulture.’ I've had time to reflect on the worship songs
as I wrote this.
Isreal Houghton, a popular worship singer, song writer and guitar player was a guest playing with the band at
church this weekend. One of the
first songs they played is called, 'Greater,' a song with a valuable message
that means God is greater than anything else in this world. He is greater than
our troubles, our fears, our heartaches. He has power over us, if we let Him
have it. There is no one else like Him.
Houghton reminded us during the song, that Jesus has such strong power over the
enemy that He was risen from the dead. His power over the bad luck in our
careers, and those who betray and hurt us. He asked, if we know that, why would
we give the power to the enemy and not to Jesus? Note the lyrics to the chorus of the song:
"You have over-come the world, took the keys from death and hell.
Joining
in Heaven we declare,
You're Greater!"
Once again, if we know this, why must we allow ourselves to feel pity for our
unfortunate circumstances? If we let the love of God over-power our minds, and
our lives, there's no room for the devil to control us.
Another powerful song that we love to sing at Elevation, originally sung by
Jesus Culture is called 'One thing Remains.'
Choosing to live in Jesus' ways isn't easy. Answers don't come to us so quickly.
It's a matter of Faith, and belief that there is something Greater then us. If
we don't forgive, it's actually an insult to Jesus. It's easy to forget that,
but, Jesus did forgive us for sinning by dying on the cross.
Is there anyone
in your life that you believe loves you like Jesus does? I believe I see that
love in my mother's eyes, in her actions, and her guidance. My dad, sister and
niece have shown that kind of love to me too. With all the rejection that I've
faced - and when the world walks out on me, there's one thing that remains with
Jesus - and he proves that to me through my family.
"Your love never fails, never gives up, never
runs out me. Because,
on and on an on an on it goes. It overwhelms and satisfies my soul,
and I never
have to be afraid because one thing remains,
your love fails never gives up
never runs out one me.
In death, and in life, I'm confident, and covered by the power of your great
love.
My debt is paid, there's nothing that can separate my heart. Your love never
fails!"
You can sing that all day because on and on and on it goes. It's easy to
be inspired after hearing the songs. It's easy to get caught up in the show of
the worship experience, it's easy to sing the songs every day, all day. But do
you believe the meaning of the songs in your heart? I'm sure you do. But do you
believe in your actions toward yourself, and your friends, family and
co-workers? If we believe it, why do we allow ourselves to remember the
rejections, and fear the future? Why do we fear failure?
The final song the band played was one that Pastor wrote with Houghton. The title is 'Grace so Glorious.' The meaning is strong, and we should allow grace
to fill our hearts, and minds in times of trial. We should also learn to
forgive ourselves for our sins, including the sin to worry, and become anxious,
scared, and not trusting others in our lives. The chorus reminds us that Jesus
is:
"Crowned in glory to glory worthy is the Lord of all the glory, forever
holy is the Lord.
Triumphant
praises without end, all hailing the king of righteousness,
and every eye
beholds the One our hearts were undeserving of with a grace so glorious."
I may not be 'ready to make nice, not ready to back down.' But that's okay, though I can't
change the past, and go back in time to make it all right, I can believe that with God, One thing Remains, his love is Greater, and his Grace is Glorious! My future can change for the better at a moments notice.
I've decided that 'I ain't settlin'. That it's time to raise the bar high,
because I'm tired of shooting so low.
I think that my God agrees, and He is tired of seeing how I sell myself short and shooting too low.
Today, I will move forward without fear, but with
courage.
