Friday, April 15, 2011

Live and let....die?

Who decides when we die?
Are doctors and nurses qualified to determine our life span? Are we the ones who choose to let our loved ones live longer or let them die?
There comes in a time in our life when were faced with that very difficult decision. It could happen to someone we love so much when they are young or it could happen when they are as old as 93. No matter how old, pulling the plug can be the most difficult decision ever made.
Doctors are trained to preserve life; keep them plugged in until there's no possible way they will live longer. Some people have been on life support as long as 14 or 16 years I believe. Those people were young though and the families had hope.
What are we really doing to the one who is one life support? Are we really doing them a favor when they are a vegetable?
In a nursing home, I've seen elderly people laying in bed, starring at the ceiling, unable to move, talk, react to my conversation; wipe their own ass nor do they know if they are sitting in their own shit; they are unaware that their being fed and unaware of who I am. They may smile when a family or a loved one walks in; or sometimes, they'll look up when you turn the light on above their bed. They still see and bright light near their eyes is still disturbing to them as it is to us.
They can't move and dead weight is so hard to move; try turning them to their back when they can't control their limbs, legs will kick out without their doing, it's sad but it happens. They do feel, so when turned, they moan or let out a muffled scream because they do not know what is happening.
Is it right to let our loved ones live like that? For them to lay down, with tubes in their throat, mucus spilling out of the tube every ten minutes or so; forcing the nurses to clean them every one or two hours; their skin bruising every time you touch them. Is it right to make them live in fear or make them look like a breathing corpse?

Some elderly don't even have tubes, they are breathing on their own and they are just waiting and waiting. Sometimes, if they refuse more than one meal or more than one drink in less than day, a doctor will order IV's.
In my experience, I've learned that if someone refuses to eat all day, they will die within 24 hours.
Have you ever looked into the eyes of a dying person? I have. The ones plugged in or living like vegetables have pleading eyes, begging, "let me go, let me go." The ones who live day to day on their own, still able to sit up, talk and move around have pleaded to die.
Have you ever tried to help a patient relax as they knew their day was near?
When people are admitted to a nursing home, they know their days are numbered. Some are relaxed and enjoy their days and try to live as happy as possible; some will ask to go outside for one more cigarette or maybe two servings of ice cream.
Others will want to die, they'll look at you and say, "I don't want a shower; I don't want to eat, I just want to go."
Some of them, will be scared and cry, "No, no please please don't let me die, please."

Have you ever tried to feed a patient in hopes that they would regain their strength to live one more day? Have you ever held the hand of someone before they left us?
If they were animals, we'd help them die peacefully but they are humans and we try to let them live longer and longer unaware of the real true pain the patient must be feeling as we feed them more soft liquids called 'thickened' or IV's and breathing machines.
Losing your dad, mom, sister, brother, aunt, uncle, niece, nephew, son, daughter, friend is hard but is it harder for them to make them live in pain and terminal illness or to let them live in a nursing home lifeless, immobile and helpless?
The ones we loved have lived but sometimes as much as it breaks my heart to say this, sometimes we need to let them die.

2 comments:

Stephanie Faris said...

I work for our state's department of health and a while back we attended a seminar on living wills. It was very eye-opening. I really need to create one, and to ensure all my family members have their wishes outlined.

Unknown said...

Stephanine, that is important - you never know when you're going to need it. It's sad how the system works.