Monday, March 28, 2011

He didn't want the REAL her - so he lost her

He lost her because he never had her. He never even loved her; he loved her beauty and photogenic pictures. He loved the idea of her.
He wanted her but what he wanted was someone she was not.
She was a beautiful woman who spent her life living like an athlete and living a healthy lifestyle; she's fit, toned and trim. To her, exercise and good nutrition isn’t a fad, it’s a way of life. She knows who she is and wants to hold on to her best qualities.
Unfortunately, he didn’t. He wanted her to change; he wanted to control her. He wanted her to lower her standards and stop being so successful or at least he wanted her to stop trying.
What this couple never realized was how abusive he really was. He lived a self destructive life and not caring about his self nor did care to understand where she came from.
They met late one night a few years before and after a few dates, they knew then they were wrong for each other. They met again a few years later and although knowing they had nothing in common, they decided to give a relationship another chance; they were both at a cross roads in their life. Both had lost their jobs so they wanted to help each other get back to work.
It wasn’t until they started to live together that they realized how wrong the relationship was.
Everyone asked her, “why were you together?”
The only answer is, “because the first two months were fun.”
She’s a well educated woman who was taught to work hard; she spent her life working in a white collar world where she trained and studied for what she had. She believes in campaigning for a President; she believes in voting; she believes in donating her money and volunteering her time to charities. She allows herself to be inspired by people who are more successful then she is and she hopes to be inspiration to others. She’s ambitious and self disciplined, self motivated and independent.
All the qualities he hates. He didn’t have any of those qualities. He is lazy and lacks motivation; he talks the talk but never walks the walk. He quits easy; he dropped out of high school and never did anything to get ahead in life. He got a blue collar job and lived under the radar and expected everyone else to live the same way.
He never liked to visit her friends and family. He was unhappy with their success and riches because he was piss poor morally.
To her, it seemed as though he never moved on from a high schoolers life. He still smoked cigarettes and marijuana; he drank a lot of alcohol and he didn’t see anything wrong with his poor behavior.
Their differences were so grave it became toxic.
One day he looked at her and told her “I hate how motivated and disciplined you are. It’s extreme.”
Sure, she does have a ‘go hard or go home’ attitude but what he fails to understand is that what gets you ahead in life. His, live under the radar attitude never got him anywhere.
She felt her split in half when she heard those words. She knew her drive to be successful drove him crazy and had been told by more than one person he was insecure and jealous. She knew this. She cried to her friends and family and didn’t want to be with him but everyone wanted her to give it a chance. All relationships take time to adjust to, they told her. It takes time to get used to each other’s differences but this was way beyond that.
He wanted her to give it all up and didn’t want to learn from her. Apparently, as far as he is concerned, men aren’t supposed to learn from their girlfriends (or wives).
In today’s world, that is bull shit.
Men, if you do not want a woman that makes more money then you; or if you don’t want a woman who is ‘more’ than you…you have to educate yourself and make yourself more appealing. Be smarter; be stronger; be more influential; be more driven and motivating.
Never bring a woman down and never try to break her spirit.
He spent that winter telling her she was fat and needed to lose weight, but, she was smart enough to know the only fat she needed to lose was him and finally, she left him. After they split, she tried to be nice and tried to see if they could work it out but he didn't quit, he wanted her to break and he wanted her to need him but he wasn't what she needed. He refused to find the strength to be a real man who knew how to be supportive and considerate.
I worry about her; she’s still torn and damaged from that relationship. She’s building herself up again and found some success but she isn’t there yet. It’s a slow healing process but soon enough, she’ll be better and she’ll be stronger and wiser then she was before she knew him.
Abusive relationships damage women deeper then you’d think but thank the light, women have a drive inside their soul that does not allow them to quit, even when they want to.

1 comment:

Peabea said...

Good for her. Building each other up, being supportive and not tearing down their individuality is a true and rewarding relationship. Sometimes it's hard to walk, but sometimes we just have to walk away. Nice post.