Who decides when we die?
Are doctors and nurses qualified to determine our life span? Are we the ones who choose to let our loved ones live longer or let them die?
There comes in a time in our life when were faced with that very difficult decision. It could happen to someone we love so much when they are young or it could happen when they are as old as 93. No matter how old, pulling the plug can be the most difficult decision ever made.
Doctors are trained to preserve life; keep them plugged in until there's no possible way they will live longer. Some people have been on life support as long as 14 or 16 years I believe. Those people were young though and the families had hope.
What are we really doing to the one who is one life support? Are we really doing them a favor when they are a vegetable?
In a nursing home, I've seen elderly people laying in bed, starring at the ceiling, unable to move, talk, react to my conversation; wipe their own ass nor do they know if they are sitting in their own shit; they are unaware that their being fed and unaware of who I am. They may smile when a family or a loved one walks in; or sometimes, they'll look up when you turn the light on above their bed. They still see and bright light near their eyes is still disturbing to them as it is to us.
They can't move and dead weight is so hard to move; try turning them to their back when they can't control their limbs, legs will kick out without their doing, it's sad but it happens. They do feel, so when turned, they moan or let out a muffled scream because they do not know what is happening.
Is it right to let our loved ones live like that? For them to lay down, with tubes in their throat, mucus spilling out of the tube every ten minutes or so; forcing the nurses to clean them every one or two hours; their skin bruising every time you touch them. Is it right to make them live in fear or make them look like a breathing corpse?
Some elderly don't even have tubes, they are breathing on their own and they are just waiting and waiting. Sometimes, if they refuse more than one meal or more than one drink in less than day, a doctor will order IV's.
In my experience, I've learned that if someone refuses to eat all day, they will die within 24 hours.
Have you ever looked into the eyes of a dying person? I have. The ones plugged in or living like vegetables have pleading eyes, begging, "let me go, let me go." The ones who live day to day on their own, still able to sit up, talk and move around have pleaded to die.
Have you ever tried to help a patient relax as they knew their day was near?
When people are admitted to a nursing home, they know their days are numbered. Some are relaxed and enjoy their days and try to live as happy as possible; some will ask to go outside for one more cigarette or maybe two servings of ice cream.
Others will want to die, they'll look at you and say, "I don't want a shower; I don't want to eat, I just want to go."
Some of them, will be scared and cry, "No, no please please don't let me die, please."
Have you ever tried to feed a patient in hopes that they would regain their strength to live one more day? Have you ever held the hand of someone before they left us?
If they were animals, we'd help them die peacefully but they are humans and we try to let them live longer and longer unaware of the real true pain the patient must be feeling as we feed them more soft liquids called 'thickened' or IV's and breathing machines.
Losing your dad, mom, sister, brother, aunt, uncle, niece, nephew, son, daughter, friend is hard but is it harder for them to make them live in pain and terminal illness or to let them live in a nursing home lifeless, immobile and helpless?
The ones we loved have lived but sometimes as much as it breaks my heart to say this, sometimes we need to let them die.
Friday, April 15, 2011
Thursday, April 07, 2011
Change takes time...
Change is scary but good for the soul.
I'm starting a new chapter in my life and I'm scared. To make a long story short, I lost a job and found another one almost right away - only because I allowed myself to try a new field.
Sure, my dream is to quit the day job to be a full time writer but until then, I still have to pay the bills so I need to work where they are hiring.
I'm looking into going back to college to concentrate more in Communications - Journalism and probably Public Relations and or Public Advocacy - right now, that thought is inline and there's time to decide.
What I've accepted is a job in nursing as an aide. It's not something I love to do and not something I see myself doing for a very long time. I also can't picture myself spending the rest of the year working for this low of a salary and on second shift. I've considered changing to the nursing field- trust me- if all else fails and I'm still wearing scrubs in 5- 7 or 10 years from now, it'll be because I got my LPN or even my RN and I'll move on to another health care facility.
It's not the health care field that I find a problem with - it's the schedule. I love promoting health care and helping people live a better life. I wouldn't mind learning how to draw blood (then I'd be allowed to volunteer for the American Red Cross) or learning to administer medicine - but- everyone I know says they don't picture me doing that.
I'm scared to do this.
I'm an arts, sports and entertainment and social media kind of girl.
My schedule is different, I'm now on second shift and sitting around the house in the day time until 2ish is distracting. I have to re-adjust my writing and work out time. I also have to find away to work weekends - that's so scary.
Right now, I'm pacing and trying to control myself, to not spend too much time on Twitter or Facebook and trying to focus on writing but it's a fail for the day.
I reminded myself earlier that even GOD (who I do believe in) took 6 days to create the Earth, so I guess, I should cut myself some slack.
I should give myself a week or two to adjust. I'm starting to see benefits to working 3-11 shift.
1. Now that it's summer time, I can hang out in the sun, swim and have my sister and niece over for play time.
2. I can go shopping earlier in the day.
3. I can go to the library.
4. I can train my brain to write during the day, that way, if God allows it, I do get hired to write full time - I know how to focus on writing during the busy day time, instead of the quiet early mornings or midnight hours.
5. I can focus on contacting and networking with other writers.
6. I can go back to school to focus on what I want during the day time. I'm more alert in the mornings so maybe this will eventually work itself out.
I've yet to find any benefit or 'pro' to work on weekends.
I'll miss a race every other weekend. As a NASCAR (aspiring) writer - that's very bad.
I have to plan my weekends far in advance.
If something is going on, I have to ask for the weekend off in hopes that someone will switch a shift with me.
I know I won't miss going out to parties so I'm cool with that - but the idea that I have to plan so far ahead to enjoy my weekends is disturbing - especially in the summer time (I doubt I'll care much in the winter). I hope to find some peace with it.
Change is scary but certainly good.
I'm starting a new chapter in my life and I'm scared. To make a long story short, I lost a job and found another one almost right away - only because I allowed myself to try a new field.
Sure, my dream is to quit the day job to be a full time writer but until then, I still have to pay the bills so I need to work where they are hiring.
I'm looking into going back to college to concentrate more in Communications - Journalism and probably Public Relations and or Public Advocacy - right now, that thought is inline and there's time to decide.
What I've accepted is a job in nursing as an aide. It's not something I love to do and not something I see myself doing for a very long time. I also can't picture myself spending the rest of the year working for this low of a salary and on second shift. I've considered changing to the nursing field- trust me- if all else fails and I'm still wearing scrubs in 5- 7 or 10 years from now, it'll be because I got my LPN or even my RN and I'll move on to another health care facility.
It's not the health care field that I find a problem with - it's the schedule. I love promoting health care and helping people live a better life. I wouldn't mind learning how to draw blood (then I'd be allowed to volunteer for the American Red Cross) or learning to administer medicine - but- everyone I know says they don't picture me doing that.
I'm scared to do this.
I'm an arts, sports and entertainment and social media kind of girl.
My schedule is different, I'm now on second shift and sitting around the house in the day time until 2ish is distracting. I have to re-adjust my writing and work out time. I also have to find away to work weekends - that's so scary.
Right now, I'm pacing and trying to control myself, to not spend too much time on Twitter or Facebook and trying to focus on writing but it's a fail for the day.
I reminded myself earlier that even GOD (who I do believe in) took 6 days to create the Earth, so I guess, I should cut myself some slack.
I should give myself a week or two to adjust. I'm starting to see benefits to working 3-11 shift.
1. Now that it's summer time, I can hang out in the sun, swim and have my sister and niece over for play time.
2. I can go shopping earlier in the day.
3. I can go to the library.
4. I can train my brain to write during the day, that way, if God allows it, I do get hired to write full time - I know how to focus on writing during the busy day time, instead of the quiet early mornings or midnight hours.
5. I can focus on contacting and networking with other writers.
6. I can go back to school to focus on what I want during the day time. I'm more alert in the mornings so maybe this will eventually work itself out.
I've yet to find any benefit or 'pro' to work on weekends.
I'll miss a race every other weekend. As a NASCAR (aspiring) writer - that's very bad.
I have to plan my weekends far in advance.
If something is going on, I have to ask for the weekend off in hopes that someone will switch a shift with me.
I know I won't miss going out to parties so I'm cool with that - but the idea that I have to plan so far ahead to enjoy my weekends is disturbing - especially in the summer time (I doubt I'll care much in the winter). I hope to find some peace with it.
Change is scary but certainly good.
Friday, April 01, 2011
Use Common Sense to help your friends:
If you see a friend or a family member going through the most difficult days and you’re trying to help them through; there are some things you should keep in mind to keep the peace.
When faced with a challenge, the only person affected is the one going through the tough times. Not you.
You will see the light brighter then they will and you may see ways to change a bad thing to make it better but try to remember, you’re not going through whatever challenge your friend/family is going through.
They have personal rights; a right to privacy and sometimes, they just want to get through their challenge, their way. They may even want to face it all alone until they can't handle it anymore.
To avoid severe arguments, blow ups and to save the friendship, here are some thoughts of what you should probably NOT do, when trying to help.
1. Never yell at them
2. Never blame
3. Never remind them of their past mistakes or hard times.
4. Do remember, they see the light lit dimmer then you; they may not see the end of the tunnel, so stop antagonizing them.
5. Do let them see their own light and let them remember their own past. If they remember good times, let them remember that.
6. Do listen, that’s all you can do.
7. Don’t be the one to remind them of how much worse it can be – they can see the bad very clearly and they probably can see it worse than you can.
In the end, times are tough. The best advice I can give you to help someone you care about, use your common sense and treat them as you would want them to treat you when your shit hits the fan.
When faced with a challenge, the only person affected is the one going through the tough times. Not you.
You will see the light brighter then they will and you may see ways to change a bad thing to make it better but try to remember, you’re not going through whatever challenge your friend/family is going through.
They have personal rights; a right to privacy and sometimes, they just want to get through their challenge, their way. They may even want to face it all alone until they can't handle it anymore.
To avoid severe arguments, blow ups and to save the friendship, here are some thoughts of what you should probably NOT do, when trying to help.
1. Never yell at them
2. Never blame
3. Never remind them of their past mistakes or hard times.
4. Do remember, they see the light lit dimmer then you; they may not see the end of the tunnel, so stop antagonizing them.
5. Do let them see their own light and let them remember their own past. If they remember good times, let them remember that.
6. Do listen, that’s all you can do.
7. Don’t be the one to remind them of how much worse it can be – they can see the bad very clearly and they probably can see it worse than you can.
In the end, times are tough. The best advice I can give you to help someone you care about, use your common sense and treat them as you would want them to treat you when your shit hits the fan.
Monday, March 28, 2011
He didn't want the REAL her - so he lost her
He lost her because he never had her. He never even loved her; he loved her beauty and photogenic pictures. He loved the idea of her.
He wanted her but what he wanted was someone she was not.
She was a beautiful woman who spent her life living like an athlete and living a healthy lifestyle; she's fit, toned and trim. To her, exercise and good nutrition isn’t a fad, it’s a way of life. She knows who she is and wants to hold on to her best qualities.
Unfortunately, he didn’t. He wanted her to change; he wanted to control her. He wanted her to lower her standards and stop being so successful or at least he wanted her to stop trying.
What this couple never realized was how abusive he really was. He lived a self destructive life and not caring about his self nor did care to understand where she came from.
They met late one night a few years before and after a few dates, they knew then they were wrong for each other. They met again a few years later and although knowing they had nothing in common, they decided to give a relationship another chance; they were both at a cross roads in their life. Both had lost their jobs so they wanted to help each other get back to work.
It wasn’t until they started to live together that they realized how wrong the relationship was.
Everyone asked her, “why were you together?”
The only answer is, “because the first two months were fun.”
She’s a well educated woman who was taught to work hard; she spent her life working in a white collar world where she trained and studied for what she had. She believes in campaigning for a President; she believes in voting; she believes in donating her money and volunteering her time to charities. She allows herself to be inspired by people who are more successful then she is and she hopes to be inspiration to others. She’s ambitious and self disciplined, self motivated and independent.
All the qualities he hates. He didn’t have any of those qualities. He is lazy and lacks motivation; he talks the talk but never walks the walk. He quits easy; he dropped out of high school and never did anything to get ahead in life. He got a blue collar job and lived under the radar and expected everyone else to live the same way.
He never liked to visit her friends and family. He was unhappy with their success and riches because he was piss poor morally.
To her, it seemed as though he never moved on from a high schoolers life. He still smoked cigarettes and marijuana; he drank a lot of alcohol and he didn’t see anything wrong with his poor behavior.
Their differences were so grave it became toxic.
One day he looked at her and told her “I hate how motivated and disciplined you are. It’s extreme.”
Sure, she does have a ‘go hard or go home’ attitude but what he fails to understand is that what gets you ahead in life. His, live under the radar attitude never got him anywhere.
She felt her split in half when she heard those words. She knew her drive to be successful drove him crazy and had been told by more than one person he was insecure and jealous. She knew this. She cried to her friends and family and didn’t want to be with him but everyone wanted her to give it a chance. All relationships take time to adjust to, they told her. It takes time to get used to each other’s differences but this was way beyond that.
He wanted her to give it all up and didn’t want to learn from her. Apparently, as far as he is concerned, men aren’t supposed to learn from their girlfriends (or wives).
In today’s world, that is bull shit.
Men, if you do not want a woman that makes more money then you; or if you don’t want a woman who is ‘more’ than you…you have to educate yourself and make yourself more appealing. Be smarter; be stronger; be more influential; be more driven and motivating.
Never bring a woman down and never try to break her spirit.
He spent that winter telling her she was fat and needed to lose weight, but, she was smart enough to know the only fat she needed to lose was him and finally, she left him. After they split, she tried to be nice and tried to see if they could work it out but he didn't quit, he wanted her to break and he wanted her to need him but he wasn't what she needed. He refused to find the strength to be a real man who knew how to be supportive and considerate.
I worry about her; she’s still torn and damaged from that relationship. She’s building herself up again and found some success but she isn’t there yet. It’s a slow healing process but soon enough, she’ll be better and she’ll be stronger and wiser then she was before she knew him.
Abusive relationships damage women deeper then you’d think but thank the light, women have a drive inside their soul that does not allow them to quit, even when they want to.
He wanted her but what he wanted was someone she was not.
She was a beautiful woman who spent her life living like an athlete and living a healthy lifestyle; she's fit, toned and trim. To her, exercise and good nutrition isn’t a fad, it’s a way of life. She knows who she is and wants to hold on to her best qualities.
Unfortunately, he didn’t. He wanted her to change; he wanted to control her. He wanted her to lower her standards and stop being so successful or at least he wanted her to stop trying.
What this couple never realized was how abusive he really was. He lived a self destructive life and not caring about his self nor did care to understand where she came from.
They met late one night a few years before and after a few dates, they knew then they were wrong for each other. They met again a few years later and although knowing they had nothing in common, they decided to give a relationship another chance; they were both at a cross roads in their life. Both had lost their jobs so they wanted to help each other get back to work.
It wasn’t until they started to live together that they realized how wrong the relationship was.
Everyone asked her, “why were you together?”
The only answer is, “because the first two months were fun.”
She’s a well educated woman who was taught to work hard; she spent her life working in a white collar world where she trained and studied for what she had. She believes in campaigning for a President; she believes in voting; she believes in donating her money and volunteering her time to charities. She allows herself to be inspired by people who are more successful then she is and she hopes to be inspiration to others. She’s ambitious and self disciplined, self motivated and independent.
All the qualities he hates. He didn’t have any of those qualities. He is lazy and lacks motivation; he talks the talk but never walks the walk. He quits easy; he dropped out of high school and never did anything to get ahead in life. He got a blue collar job and lived under the radar and expected everyone else to live the same way.
He never liked to visit her friends and family. He was unhappy with their success and riches because he was piss poor morally.
To her, it seemed as though he never moved on from a high schoolers life. He still smoked cigarettes and marijuana; he drank a lot of alcohol and he didn’t see anything wrong with his poor behavior.
Their differences were so grave it became toxic.
One day he looked at her and told her “I hate how motivated and disciplined you are. It’s extreme.”
Sure, she does have a ‘go hard or go home’ attitude but what he fails to understand is that what gets you ahead in life. His, live under the radar attitude never got him anywhere.
She felt her split in half when she heard those words. She knew her drive to be successful drove him crazy and had been told by more than one person he was insecure and jealous. She knew this. She cried to her friends and family and didn’t want to be with him but everyone wanted her to give it a chance. All relationships take time to adjust to, they told her. It takes time to get used to each other’s differences but this was way beyond that.
He wanted her to give it all up and didn’t want to learn from her. Apparently, as far as he is concerned, men aren’t supposed to learn from their girlfriends (or wives).
In today’s world, that is bull shit.
Men, if you do not want a woman that makes more money then you; or if you don’t want a woman who is ‘more’ than you…you have to educate yourself and make yourself more appealing. Be smarter; be stronger; be more influential; be more driven and motivating.
Never bring a woman down and never try to break her spirit.
He spent that winter telling her she was fat and needed to lose weight, but, she was smart enough to know the only fat she needed to lose was him and finally, she left him. After they split, she tried to be nice and tried to see if they could work it out but he didn't quit, he wanted her to break and he wanted her to need him but he wasn't what she needed. He refused to find the strength to be a real man who knew how to be supportive and considerate.
I worry about her; she’s still torn and damaged from that relationship. She’s building herself up again and found some success but she isn’t there yet. It’s a slow healing process but soon enough, she’ll be better and she’ll be stronger and wiser then she was before she knew him.
Abusive relationships damage women deeper then you’d think but thank the light, women have a drive inside their soul that does not allow them to quit, even when they want to.
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